Альбом Weird Al Yankovic

How come you're always such a fussy young man
Don't want no Captain Crunch, don't want no Raisin Bran
Well, don't you know that other kids are starving in Japan
So eat it, just eat it

Don't want to argue, I don't want to debate
Don't want to hear about what kind of food you hate
You won't get no dessert 'till you clean off your plate
So eat it

Don't you tell me you're full
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it
Have some more chicken, have some more pie
It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried
Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it
Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it, ooh

Your table manners are some cryin' shame
You're playin' with your food, this ain't some kind of game
Now, if you starve to death, you'll just have yourself to blame
So eat it, just eat it

You better listen, better do what you're told
You haven't even touched your tuna casserole
You better chow down or it's gonna get cold
So eat it

I don't care if you're full
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Open up your mouth and feed it
Have some more yogurt, have some more spam
It doesn't matter it it's fresh or canned
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Don't you make me repeat it
Have a banana, have a whole bunch
It doesn't matter what you had for lunch
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it

Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
If it's gettin' cold, reheat it
Have a big dinner, have a light snack
If you don't like it, you can't send it back
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it (oh lord)
Have some more chicken, have some more pie
It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Don't you make me repeat it (oh no)
Have a banana, have a whole bunch
It doesn't matter what you had for lunch
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it

I was waiting in the express lane with my twelve items or less,
At the checkout counter at the local grocery store.
I was only passin' by,
But a paper caught my eye,
And I learned a few things I never knew before.
It said, "Your pet may be an extraterrestrial."
It said, "The ghost of Elvis is living in my den.
You can learn to cope with stress,
And you can beat the IRS,
And the incredible frog boy is on the loose again!"

Oh, Midnight Star!
It's in the weekly Midnight Star.
Aliens from outer space are sleeping in my car.
Midnight Star, I wanna know, I wanna know.

Eat jelly doughnuts and lose twenty pounds a day.
Hear the story of the man born without a head.
And top psychics all agree
That the telephone company
Will have a brand new service that lets you talk to the dead.

Oh, Midnight Star!
You can believe it if you read it in the weekly Midnight Star.
They're keeping Hitler's brain alive inside a jar.
Midnight Star, I wanna know, I wanna know.

(Tell me, tell me, tell me how to make my bust line grow.)
Midnight Star, I wanna know...

Oh, Midnight Star!
Well, don'tcha know that I read it, I read it in the weekly Midnight Star.
The UFO's have landed and we'll tell you where they are.
Midnight Star, I wanna know, I wanna know,
Midnight Star.

Well, you can read all about it in the weekly Midnight Star.
You can use your ESP to learn to play guitar.
I wanna know, I wanna know.
I wanna know, I wanna know.
I wanna know, I wanna know.
I wanna know, I wanna know.
Inquiring minds like mine wanna know...
I wanna know, I wanna know.
I wanna know, I wanna know.
I wanna know, I wanna know.
I wanna know, I wanna know.

You can watch Mister Rogers,
You can watch Three's Company,
And you can turn on Fame,
Or the Newlywed Game,
Or the Addams Family.

Say, you can watch Barney Miller,
And you can watch your MTV,
And you can watch
Till your eyes fall out of your head.
That'll be okay with me.
And you can watch (TV)

You can watch Johnny Carson,
You can watch Phil Donahue,
And you can use TV Guide
To help you decide,
With a capsulized review.

Say, you can watch 60 minutes,
Even Captain Kangaroo,
But there's only one set,
So whatever you watch
Well, you know I gotta watch it too.

A-say, give it up,
Give it up,
Television's takin' its toll.
That's enough,
That's enough.
Gimme the remote control.

I've been nice,
I've been good,
Please don't do this to me.
Turn it off,
Turn it off,
I don't wanna have to see
The Brady Bunch.
Not the Brady Bunch.
Well, the Brady Bunch.
Yeah, the Brady Bunch.

It's the story of a lovely lady,
Who was bringing up three very lovely girls.
All of them had hair of gold,
Like their mother,
The youngest one in curls.

It's the story of a man named Brady
Who was busy with three boys of his own.
They were four men living all together,
A-yeah, but they were all alone.

Till then one day,
A-one day,
When the lady met this fellow
And they knew,
And they knew
It was much more than a hunch
That the group,
A-this group
Must somehow form a family.
That's the way,
That's the way,
That's the way they all became the Brady Bunch.

Well, the Brady Bunch,
Yeah, the Brady Bunch,
Well, the Brady Bunch.
Oh, it's the Brady Bu-unch...

Gonna buy me a condo
Gonna buy me a Cuisinart
Get a wall-to-wall carpeting
Get a wallet full 'o credit cards
I gonna buy me a condo, never have to mow de lawn
I gonna get me da T-shirt wit' de alligator on

Wo, used to live in Jamaica But I don't live dere no more
Had to change me lifestyle
Do t'ings I never done before
So now I'm just a lonely Rastaman
Living in dis American town
Gonna sell me Bob Marley records
Gonna get me some Jackson Browne

I gonna buy me a condo
Gonna buy me a Cuisinart
Get a wall-to-wall carpeting
and get a wallet full 'o credit cards, eh
I gonna buy me a condo, never have to mow de lawn
I gonna get me da T-shirt wit' de alligator on

Wo, gonna cut off me dreadlocks
T'row away all me ganja
I'll have a tupperware party
Maybe join me a health spa
I'll get a bowl of plastic fruits
And a microwave oven, too
Then I'll have the neighbors over for a weenie barbeque

Gonna buy me a condo
Gonna buy me a Cuisinart
Get a wall-to-wall carpeting
Get a wallet full 'o credit cards, oh
I gonna buy me a condo, never have to mow de lawn
I get a funny little T-shirt wit' de alligator on

Ain't gonna work in de field no more
Gonna be Amway distributor
Ain't gonna work in de field no more (no, no)
Gonna be Amway distributor

(Ja) Ja, ja, ja, life is so very hard
I need a (ja) ja, ja, ja jacuzi in me back yard

Oh, I gonna buy me a condo
Gonna buy me a Cuisinart
Get a wall-to-wall carpeting
Get a wallet full 'o credit cards, eh
I gonna buy me a condo, never have to mow de lawn
I gonna get me da T-shirt wit' de alligator on

What'd you say?

I gonna buy me a condo
I gonna buy me a Cuisinart
Get a wall-to-wall carpeting
Get a wallet full 'o credit cards, oh
I gonna buy me a condo, never have to mow de lawn
I gonna get me da T-shirt wit' de alligator on

What'd you say?

I gonna buy me a condo
Gonna buy me a Cuisinart
Get a wall-to-wall carpeting
And get a wallet full 'o credit cards, oh
I gonna buy me a condo, never have to mow de lawn
I gonna get me da T-shirt wit' de alligator on

Ohhhhhh...
I was there, to match my intellect, on national TV,
Against a plumber, and an architect, both with a Ph.D.
I was tense, I was nervous,
I guess it just wasn't my night.
Art Fleming gave the answers,
Oh, but I couldn't get the questions right-ight-ight

I lost on Jeopardy,
Baby,
(Oooh.)
I lost on Jeopardy,
Baby,
(Oooh.)

Well I knew I was in trouble now,
My hope of winning sank,
'Cause I got the Daily Double now,
And then my mind went blank.
I took Potpourri for one hundred,
And then my head started to spin.
Well, I'm givin' up. Don Pardo,
Just tell me now what I didn't win,
Yeah, yeah.

I lost on Jeopardy,
Baby,
(Oooh.)
I lost on Jeopardy,
Baby,
(Oooh.)

That's right Al--you lost! And let me tell what you didn't win: a twenty-
volume set of the Encyclopedia International, a case of Turtle Wax, and a
year's supply of Rice-a-Roni, the San Francisco treat. But that's not all!
You also made yourself look like a jerk in front of millions of people! And
you brought shame and disgrace on your family name for generations to come!
You don't get to come back tomorrow! You don't even get a lousy copy of our
home game! You're a complete loser!!

Don't know what I was thinkin' of,
I guess I just wasn't too bright.
Well, I sure hope I do better
Next weekend on The Price Is Right-ight-ight

I lost on Jeopardy,
Baby,
(Oooh.)
I lost on Jeopardy,
Baby,
(Oooh.)
I lost on Jeopardy,
Baby...

They tell us that we lost our tails,
Evolving up from little snails.
I say it's all just wind and sails.
Are we not men, we are Devo.
Are we not men, D-E-V-O.
Smoke on the water.
A fire in the sky.
Smoke on the water.

(I'm a man) I'm a boy.
(I'm a man) Well, I'm your mother.
(I'm a man) I'm a one-night stand.
(I'm a man) Am I by?
(I'm a man) I'm your slave.
I'm a little girl,
When we make love together.
Hey, hey, hey!

Jude, don't make it bad,
Take a sad song and make it better.
Remember to let her into your heart,
Then you Can start to make it better,
Better, better, better, better, better, better, yeah!

L.A. woman. You're my woman.
Got my mojo risin'. Mister Mojo risin'.
Hey!

In a gadda da vida, honey,
Don'tCha know that I love you.
In a gadda da vida, baby,
Don'tCha know that I'll always be true.

Hey Joe, where ya goin' with that gun in your hand?
Hey Joe! Where ya goin' with that gun in your hand?
Gonna shoot my old lady.
Caught her messin' around with another man.

(yodel)

I'm an ordinary guy, burnin' down the house.

I'm hot blooded, CheCk it and see.
Got a fever of a hundred and three.
Come on, baby, you Can do more than danCe.
I'm hot blooded, hot blooded!

Every breath you take, every move you make,
Every bond you break, every step you take,
I'll be watChin' you.

Darling, you gotta let me know,
Should I stay, or should I go?
If you say that you are mine,
I'll be here till the end of time.
But you gotta let me know, wo-wo-wo.
Should I stay, or should I go?

But it's all right now, in faCt it's a gas.
But it's all right--jumpin' jaCk flash, it's a gas, gas, gas!

People try to put us down.
(Talkin' bout my generation)
Just beCause we get around.
(Talkin' bout my generation)
Things they do look awful C-C-Cold.
(Talkin' bout my generation)
Hope I die before I get old.
(Talkin' bout my generation)
Talkin' bout my generation.
Talkin' bout my generation.
Well, talkin' bout my generation!

I need a Vegematic
I need a Pocket Fisherman
I need a handy appliance
That'll scramble an egg while it's still inside its shell

Operators are standing by
How does that make you feel
Help me
Mr. Popeil

I wanna shine some pennies
I wanna mend some leather
I wanna Krazy-Glue my head
To the bottom of a big steel girder

Please, no C.O.D.'s
Don't miss out on this deal
Ah, help me
Mr. Popeil

Help me
Mr. Popeil
Mr. Popeil
Mr. Popeil

Woah
It slices, it dices
Look at that tomato
You could even cut a tin can with it
But you wouldn't want to

Mr. Popeil, I'm in trouble
Need your assistance on the double
Oh no, now how am I gonna make
My old vinyl car top look like new
Mr. Popeil
Tell me, what am I supposed to do

Mr. Popeil
Mr. Popeil

Now how much would you pay
But wait, there's more
It's not sold in any store

Now how much would you pay
Don't answer yet
Just look what else you get

Now how much would you pay
If you order today
You get a Ginsu knife and a smokeless Ashtray

Now how much would you pay
Now how much would you pay
Mr. Popeil, Mr. Popeil
Mr. Popeil, Mr. Popeil
Mr. Popeil, Mr. Popeil
Mr. Popeil, Mr. Popeil

Make me buy a Garden Weasel
Make me buy a Bamboo Steamer
Make me take advantage
Of this amazing TV offer
Call our toll-free number
We'll make you such a deal

Aw, help me
Mr. Popeil, I want it
Mr. Popeil, well, I need it
Mr. Popeil, I got to got to got to have it
Mr. Popeil
Mr. Popeil
Hey

There's a sale on our gabardine suits today
They're all thirty percent off from yesterday
There's Fortrel polyester, leather, wool, and tweed
Just a Visa or MasterCard is all you need
We've got every color, we've got every shade
We're located next door to Willy's Fun Arcade
We got every fabric that was ever made
But I'm known in this city as the King of Suede

We got portly and regular and extra long
Is my size up there
We got tailors to fix it if it comes out wrong
Is my size up there

We got all kinds of sweatshirts, you can take your pick
Is my size up there
With the collars ripped off like that Flashdance flick
Is my size up there

Our prices are low, my staff is underpaid
You can buy off the rack or have it custom made
And it's all guaranteed to never shrink or fade
'Cause of my reputation as the King of Suede

If you need a tuxedo for your junior prom
Is my size up there
We can get you the best one that's made in Taiwan
Is my size up there

We got jackets with patches on the elbows too
Is my size up there
And we'll sell 'em all factory direct to you
Is my size up there

Well, I never made it past the second grade
It took all of my life for me to learn this trade
But my friends are all thinking that I've got it made
'Cause I'm known the world over as the King of Suede

There's a two for one sale on our three piece suits
Check out our suede pajamas and our suede covered boots
You can try on our suede underwear if you choose
Do what you want but don't step on my blue suede shoes

King of Suede

Don't miss out on our giant liquidation sale
Is my size up there
Look for our color catalog in next week's mail
Is my size up there

There's a sale on our double knit slacks today
It's the same old sale as yesterday

Thirty years in the same location I have stayed
There I am, right next door to Willy's Fun Arcade
I got tough competition but I'm not afraid
'Cause it's my destiny to be the King of Suede

King of Suede
King of Suede
King of Suede
I'll always be King of Suede
I'll always be King of Suede
I'll always be King of Suede

We all used to call him Jimmy the Geek
He was a dumb lookin' scrawny little four-eyed freak
He never used to hang around with the guys
He'd just sit in the corner attractin' the flies
He wasn't much to look at
He never was very bright
But at least there was one thing that he could do all right

That boy could dance
That boy could dance, yeah

He was kind of a jerk, he was kind of a bore
But the women would scream when he walked in the door
'Cause one thing I can tell you for sure
That boy could dance

Pickin' teams, he would always be last
He couldn't run very far, he couldn't think very fast
If he was on your side, you'd always lose
That guy had a problem even tyin' his shoes

He never passed a driver's test
He was always afraid of cars
And he had a complexion that resembled the surface of Mars

But that boy could dance
That boy could dance, yeah

Well, his hair was a mess, and his clothes didn't fit
He'd smell pretty bad, and he'd drool just a bit
But you got to admit
Boy, that boy could dance

Now that boy is much older
He got his own dance studio
He got a teeny bopper fan club
Yeah, he got his own TV show
Now he owns half of Montana
They all call him Diamond Jim
And you know I'd do anything if I could be just like him

'Cause that boy could dance
That boy could dance
That boy could dance
That boy could dance
That boy could dance, dance
That boy could dance
That boy could dance
That boy could dance
That boy could dance, yeah
That boy could dance
I said, I said that boy could dance
That boy could dance
That boy could dance, dance
That boy could dance
That boy could dance
That boy could dance
That boy could dance

Fat and weak, what a disgrace.
Guess the champ got too lazy.
Ain't gonna fly now, he's just takin' up space.
Sold his gloves, threw his eggs down the drain.

But he's no bum, he works down the street.
He bought the neighborhood deli.
Back on his feet, now he's choppin' up meat.
Come inside, maybe you'll hear him say:

Try the rye or the kaiser,
They're on special tonight.
If you want, you can have an appetizer.
You might like our salami, and the liver's all right.
And they'd really go well with the rye,
Or the kaiser.

Never eats while on the job.
He heard it's good to stay hungry.
But he makes a pretty mean shish kabob.
Have a taste, they were made fresh today.

Try the rye or the kaiser or the wheat or the white.
Maybe I can suggest an appetizer.
Stay away from the tuna, it smells funny tonight.
But you just can't go wrong with the rye,
Or the kaiser.

So today, his deli comes first.
Still he dreams of his past days of glory.
Goes in the back and beats up on the liverwurst,
All the while you can still hear him say:

It's the rye or the kaiser, it's the thrill of one bite.
Let me please be your catering advisor.
If you want substitutions, I won't put up a fight.
You can have your roast beef on the rye,
Or the kaiser.

The rye or the kaiser,
The rye or the kaiser,
The rye or the kaiser...

Coming this Christmas to a theatre near you,
The most horrifying film to hit the screen.
There's a homicidal maniac who finds a Cub Scout troop,
And he hacks up two or three in every scene.
Please don't reveal the secret ending to your friends.
Don't spoil the big surprise.
You won't believe your eyes when you see

Nature Trail to Hell,
Nature Trail to Hell,
Nature Trail to Hell,
In 3-D.

Nature Trail to Hell,
Nature Trail to Hell,
Nature Trail to Hell,
In 3-D.

See severed heads that almost fall right in your lap.
See that bloody hatchet coming right at you.
No, you'll never see hideous effects like these again,
Till we bring you "Nature Trail to Hell--Part 2."

So bring the kids along, it's good clean family fun.
What have you got to lose,
If you like the six o'clock news, then you'll love

Nature Trail to Hell,
Nature Trail to Hell,
Nature Trail to Hell,
In 3-D.

Nature Trail to Hell,
Nature Trail to Hell,
Nature Trail to Hell,
In 3-D.