Альбом Weird Al Yankovic

I finally made it through med school.
Somehow I made it through.
I'm just an intern, I still make a mistake or two.

I was last in the class,
Barely passed at the institute.
Now I'm tryin' to avoid
Yeah, I'm tryin' to avoid
A malpractice suit.

Hey, like a surgeon,
Cuttin' for the very first time.
Like a surgeon,
Organ transplants are my line.

Better give me all your gauze, nurse,
This patient's fading fast.
Complications have set in,
Don't know how long he'll last.

Let me see that I.V.
Here we go, time to operate.
I'll pull his insides out.
Pull his insides out,
And see what he ate.

Like a surgeon, hey!
Cuttin' for the very first time.
Like a surgeon,
Here's a waiver for you to sign.
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh-oh
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh-oh
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh

It's a fact. I'm a quack.
The disgrace of the A.M.A.
'Cause my patients die.
Yeah, my patients die
Before they can pay.

Like a surgeon, hey!
Cuttin' for the very first time.
Like a surgeon.
Got your kidneys on my mind.

Like a surgeon, ooh hoo, like a surgeon,
When I reach inside
With my scalpel,
And my forceps,
And retractors.
Oh ho. Oh ho. Ooh, baby,
Yeah, I can hear your heart beat
For the very last time.

Put down that chain saw and listen to me
Its time for us to join in the fight.
Its time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys
Its time to let the bedbugs bite.
You'd better put all your eggs in one basket
You'd better count your chickens before they hatch.
You'd better sell some wine before its time
You'd better find yourself an itch to scratch.

You'd better squeeze all the Charmin you can
While Mr. Whipple's not around.
Stick your head in the microwave and get yourself a tan.

Talk with your mouth full
Bite the hand that feeds you
Bite off more then you can chew
What can you do? Dare to be stupid!

Take some wooden nickels,
Look for Mr. Goodbar,
Get your mojo working now,
I'll show you how you can dare to be stupid!

You can turn the other cheek,
You can just give up the ship,
You can eat a bunch of sushi then forget to leave a tip.
(Dare to be stupid!) Come on and dare to be stupid,

It's so easy to do, dare to be stupid!
We're all waiting for you. Let's go!

It's time to make a mountain out of a molehill
So can I have a volunteer?
There's no more time for crying over spilled milk,
Now it's time for crying in your beer.

Settle down with a family. Join the PTA.
Buy some sensible shoes and a Cheverolet.
Then party till your broke and they drag you away.
It's OK. You can dare to be stupid!

It's like spitting on a fish.
It's like barking up a tree.
It's like I say, you gotta buy one if you wanna get one free.

Dare to be stupid! (yes) Why don't you dare to be stupid?
It's so easy to do. Dare to be stupid.
We're all waiting for you. Dare to be stupid.

Burn your candle at both ends.
Look a gift horse in the mouth.
Mashed potatoes can be your friends.

You can be a coffee achiever.
You can sit around the house and watch Leave it to Beaver.
The future's up to you, so what'choo gonna do?
Dare to be stupid! Dare to be stupid!

What did I say? (Dare to be stupid)
Tell me what did I say? (Dare to be stupid)
It's alright (Dare to be stupid)
We can be stupid all night (Dare to be stupid)

Come on, join in the crowd (Dare to be stupid)
Shout it out loud (Dare to be stupid)
I can't hear you (Dare to be stupid)
OK, I can hear you now (Dare to be stupid)

Let's go!

Dare to be stupid (Dare to be stupid)
Dare to be stupid (Dare to be stupid)
Dare to be stupid (Dare to be stupid)
Dare to be stupid (Dare to be stupid)

Woh oh

I want a new duck
One that won't try to bite
One that won't chew a hole in my socks
One that won't quack all night

I want a new duck
One with big webbed feet
One that knows how to wash my car
And keep his room real neat

One that won't raid the ice box
One that'll stay in shape
One that's never gonna try to migrate or escape
Or I'll tie him up with duck tape

I want a new duck
A mallard I think
One that won't make a mess of my house
Or build a nest in the bathroom sink

I want a new duck
One that won't steal my beer
One that won't stick his bill in my mail
One that knows the duck stops here

One that won't drive me crazy waddling all around
One who'll teach me how to swim and help me not to drown
And show me how to get down
How to get down baby

Get it?

I want a new duck
Not a swan or a goose
Just a drake I can dress real cute
Think I'm gonna name him Bruce

I want a new duck
Not a quail or an owl
One that won't molt to much
One that won't smell too fowl

One that won't beg for breadcrumbs
Hangin' around all day
He'd better mind his manners
Better do just what I say
Or he's gonna be duck patte, duck patte, yah, yah

Well, I heard that you're leavin',
Gonna leave me far behind,
'Cause you found a brand new lover,
You decided that I'm not your kind,

So I pulled your name out of my Rolodex,
And I tore all your pictures in two,
And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go,
Just because it reminds me of you.

That's right, you ain't gonna see me cryin'.
I'm glad that you found somebody new,
'Cause I'd rather spend eternity
Eating shards of broken glass,
Than spend one more minute with you.

I guess I might seem kinda bitter.
You got me feelin' down in the dumps.
'Cause I'm stranded all alone in the Gas Station of Love
And I have to use the self-service pumps!

Oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase.
You ain't gonna break my heart in two.
'Cause I'd rather get a hundred
Thousand paper cuts on my face,
Than spend one more minute with you.

I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork,
Than watch you going out with other men.
I'd rather slam my fingers in a door,
Again and again and again and again and again.

Aw, can't you see what I'm tryin' to say, darlin'.

I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leeches,
Shove an ice pick under a toenail or two.
I'd rather clean all the bathrooms
In Grand Central Station with my tongue,
Than spend one more minute with you.

Yes, I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks,
Or stick my nostrils together with Krazy Glue
I'd rather dive into a swimming pool
Filled with double-edged razor blades,
Than spend one more minute with you.

I'd rather rip my heart right out of my rib cage
With my bare hands and then throw it on the floor
And stomp on it till I die
Than spend one more minute with you.

I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah
where it bubbles all the time
like a giant carbonated soda,
S O D A, soda.

I saw the little runt sitting there on a log.
I asked him his name
and in a raspy voice he said Yoda,
Y O D A, Yoda,
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda.

Well, I've been around but I ain't never seen
a guy who looks like a Muppet
but he's wrinkled and green,
Oh my Yoda,
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda.

Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand
how he can lift me in the air just by raising his hand
oh my Yoda.
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda

Well, I left home just a week before,
and I've never ever met a Jedi before
but Obi-Wan set me straight of course,
He said, "Go to Yoda and he'll show you the Force."

Well, I'm not the kind that'll argue with Ben
So it looks I'm gonna start all over again
with my Yoda,
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda

Yoda,
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda

So I used the force,
I picked up a box,
I lifted some rocks,
While I stood on my head,
Well I won't forget what Yoda said.
He said "Luke, stay away from the darker side,
and if you start to go astray let the Force be your guide."
Oh my Yoda,
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda.

"I know Darth Vader's really got you annoyed.
But, remember if you kill him then you'll be unemployed"
Oh my Yoda,
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda

Well, I heard my friends really got in a mess
so I'm gonna have to leave Yoda, I guess.
But I know that I'll be coming back some day
I'll be playing this part till I'm old and grey.

The Long-term contract I had to sign
says I'll be making these movies till the end of time
with my Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda

Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
(continue to fade...)

George, George, George of the jungle
Strong as he can be
Ahhh
Watch out for that tree

George, George, George of the jungle
Lives a life that's free
Ahhh
Watch out for that tree

When he gets in scrapes
When he makes his escapes
With the help of his friend
An ape named Ape

Then away he'll schlep
On his elephant Shep
While Fella and Ursula
Stay in step with

George, George, George of the jungle
Friend to you and me
Ahhh
Watch out for that tree
Watch out for that (Ahhh) (Oooh) tree
George, George, George of the Jungle
Friend to you and me

Things just havn't been the same
Since thoughs flying saucers came
Now the aliens are on the lose
Well we tried to hold them back
Tried to word off their attack
But are atom bombs were just no use
They were ugly
They were mean
Biggest heads I've ever seen
They made everybody scream and shout
First they leveled Tokyo
Then New York was next to go
Boy I really wish
They'd cut it out
They wasted everybody on my block
That goes the neighborhood
They'll zap you with their death ray eyes
And blow you up real good

chorus
Run for your life
Slime creatures from outer space
Slime creatures from outer space
There not very nice to the human race
Slime creatures, from outer space

Things happen everyday
And they just won't go away
Now their reproducing in the sewers
They got slimy lizard skin
And an evil looking grin
And they sure could use some manicures
They've got hands all covered in fungas
They got eyes like some kind of bug
I sure hope they don't come in here
And just shoot through the rug

Run for your life
Slime creatures from outer space
Slime creatures from outer space
There not very nice to the human race
Slime creatures, from outer space

Run for your life
Slime creatures from outer space
Slime creatures from outer space
They're really making a mess of this place
Slime creatures, from outer space

Slime creatures from outer space
Slime creatures from outer space
Slime creatures, from outer space
Slime creatures from outer space
Slime creatures from outer space
Slime creatures,from outer space
Oooooooooooh

They'll rip your head off just for fun
They'll paralyse your mind
They're wearing out their welcome
I don't think I like their kind
They'll suck your brain out through a straw
You just can't trust those guys
So hide the children lock the doors
And always watch the skys

Look out here come the
Slime creatures from outer space
Slime creatures from outer space
There a intergalatical race
Slime creatures from outer space
Slime creatures from outer space

I wish they'd just get out of our face
Slime creatures from outer space
Slime creatures from outer space
They really makin a big fat mess of this place
Slime creatures
Slime creatures
Oooooooooh
Where do they come from
Slime creatures
What do they want from us
Slime creatures
Who do they think they are
Slime creatures
Slime creatures
Why don't they leave me alone
Slime creatures
Slime creatures
They're really gettin' on my nerves
Who are you gonna call
Slime creatures

Some girls like to buy new shoes
And others like drivin' trucks and wearing tattoos
There's only one thing that they all like a bunch
Oh, girls, they want to have lunch
Oh, girls just want to have lunch

I know how to keep a woman satisfied
When I whip out my Diner's Card their eyes get so wide
They're always in the mood for something to munch
Oh, girls, they want to have lunch
Oh, girls just want to have

That's all they really want
Some lunch
Don't ask 'em to dinner or breakfast or brunch
'Cause girls, they want to have lunch
Oh, girls just want to have lunch

Girls, they want
Want to have lunch
Girls wanna have

She eats like she got a hole in her neck
And I'm the one that always gets stuck with the check
Can't figure out how come they don't weigh a ton
Oh, girls, they want to have lunch
Oh, girls just want to have

That's all they really want
Is some lunch
Don't know for certain but I've got a hunch
Those girls, they want to have lunch
Oh, girls just want to have lunch

Girls, they want
Want to have lunch
Girls wanna have

They just want to
They just want to
Girls

They just want to
They just want to
Girls just want to have lunch

Girls
Girls just want to have lunch

They just want to
They just want to
They just want to
They just want to
They just want to
They just want to

I eat filet mignon seven times a day.
My bathtub's filled with Perrier.
What can I say?
This is the life!

I buy a dozen cars when I'm in the mood.
I hire somebody to chew my food.
I'm an upwardly mobile dude.
This is the life!

They say that money corrupts you,
But I can't really tell.
I got the whole world at my feet,
And I think it's pretty swell.

I got women lined up outside my door.
They've been waitin' there since the week before.
Who could ask for more?
This is the life!

You're dead for a real long time.
You just can't prevent it.
So if money can't buy happiness,
I guess I'll have to rent it.

Yeah, every day I make the front page news.
No time to pay my dues.
I got a million pairs of shoes.
This is the life!

I got a solid gold Cadillac.
I make a fortune while I sleep.
You can tell I'm a living legend,
Not some ordinary creep.

No way, I'm the boss. The Big Cheese.
Yeah, I got this town on its knobby little knees.
I can do just what I please.
This is the life!

That's right, I'm the king. Number One.
I buy monogrammed Kleenex by the ton.
I pay the bills, I call the shots,
I grease the palms, I buy the yachts.

One thing I can guarantee.
The best things in life, they sure ain't free.
It's such a thrill just to be me.
This is the life!
This is the life!

I used to think my life was so empty
I used to think life was passin' me by
Well, I was just about ready
To curl up and die

But then one day I got a visit
From the cable company
Well, they hooked me up and plugged me right in
And now I got cable TV

And now I get to watch the stock report in Korean
Midget wrestling on channel three
It costs me fifty bucks a month just to see 'em
Yeah, but that's all right with me

I got cable TV (Cable TV)
Cable TV (Cable TV)
Oh, eighty-three channels of ecstasy
I love my cable TV, yeah
I love my cable TV

I got the Siamese Faith Healer's Network
The news and weather from Peru
I got celebrity hockey
The Racketball Channel too

Bugs Bunny direct from Atlanta
Mr. Wizard is on at five
I got a satellite dish on the trunk of my car
So I can watch MTV while I drive

I'm talkin' 'bout real quality programs
The kind you just can't get for free
Now I never wanna leave my apartment
'Cause there's just so much for me to see

On my cable TV (Cable TV)
Cable TV(Cable TV)
Well, if you need to find me
You know where I'll be
Watchin' my cable TV, yeah
Watchin' my cable TV

'Cause I love my cable TV, yeah
I love my cable TV

My friends are gettin' kinda worried
They think I'm turning into some kinda freak
Oh, but they're just jealous 'cause I've seen Porky's
Twenty-seven times this week

On my cable TV (Cable TV)
Cable TV (Cable TV)
Yeah, the greatest thing that's ever happened to me
I love my cable TV, yeah
I love my cable TV

Well, I got to have cable TV, yeah
I need my cable TV

Well, I love, I love my cable TV (TV)
Got to have cable TV (TV)
Well, I got to have my cable TV, yeah (TV)
Can't live without my cable TV

Well, I said, got to have some cable TV (TV)
I've got to have my cable TV
I said cable TV, yeah (TV)
Got to have cable TV

You're takin' to me good
Just like you know you should
You get me on my knees
Please, baby, please

She looks so great, every time I see her face
She put me in a state (ooh, state of shock)

Top coat, top hat
I don't worry, 'cause my wallet's fat
Black shades, white gloves
Lookin' sharp, lookin' for love
They come a runnin' just as fast as they can
'Cause every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man, hey

Woo, ah ha

Oh, what's love, got to do, got to do with it
What's love but a second-hand emotion
What's love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart, when a heart can be broken

M-E-T-H-O-D-O-F-L-O-V-E
It's the method of modern love

Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than the owner of a broken heart
Owner of a lonely heart

Yow

We're not gonna take it
No, we ain't gonna take it
We're not gonna take it any more

Neun und neunzig Luftballons
Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont
Hielt man fuer UFOs aus dem All
Darum schickte ein General

Now I gotta cut loose, footloose
Kick off my Sunday shoes
Please, Louise, pull me off of my knees
Jack, get back, come on before we crack
Lose your blues, everybody cut footloose

So why don't you use it
Try not to bruise it
Find time, don't lose it

Bang your head
Mental health'll drive ya mad
Bang your head
Mental health'll drive ya mad

Relax, don't do it
When you want to go to it
Relax, don't do it
When you want to come

Relax, don't do it
When you want to sock it to it
Relax, don't do it

When you want to come
When you want to come
When you want to come