Альбом Matt Nathanson

I'm so confused by what I have and what I want,
But I can't stand alone without your help
I'm afraid of the truth that I might find
when I look inside myself,
But I can't stand alone without your help
And what once gave me solace, now only gives me pain
I over estimated your emotions again
How easily we can fool ourselves
and see things that just aren't there
Tangle up our emotions until it seems that people truly care
It's been out of my hands now for so long
and there's nothing I could have done
And jealousy's an emotion that I'll have to learn to overcome
And what once gave me solace now only gives me pain
I overestimated your emotions again
Distance and silence, how do they make you feel?
Well they hurt me.

I shouldn't need to wish that I am all I am not
I shouldn't need to always offer you my thoughts, but I do
And I've opened myself up to the wrong and felt that pain
And I've opened myself all up to you and felt the same
Please don't explain, just let me continue dreaming
You understand what hurts me but I was the one who made that known
And now it seems my time is over and I need some time alone
And I've opened myself up to the wrong and felt that pain
And I've opened myself all up to you and felt the same
Please don't explain, just let me continue dreaming
Why must I be affected
by the words of those who know not what they've said?
You're no longer someone I'll remember
but someone I'll regret.

I've been fascinated with lost love for sometime now
and I'm not quite sure why
I've been waking up to the images that I thought I'd left behind
But they're just as clear,
and just as naive as they were before
But now they seem more beautiful,
the past always seems more beautiful
I'm not the same child that I once was
I left my compassion on the side of the road
when I learned the power of ego and confidence,
all to please you
But I'm sure that you regret it now
I'm sure that You regret me now
Because I do.
All my desire and all my innocence burned away
Just the evil remains, just the judgement remains
And here I stand king of the mountain, all alone,
surrounded by pain that I brought on myself.

How ironic it all seems because I remember you telling me
about other lovers running out of words to say to each other
and how beautiful you thought it was and I agreed that
would never happen to you and me
so here we sit in silence, searching our heads for common ground
we've rehashed the past and beaten it down
left us with nothing, no present, no future
I still read your letter and all that evil makes me sick
But this is regimented pain and it gives me the illusion
that I have lived
I was the one that pushed you off the pedestal I put you on
And with my arms still outstretched I watched you fall
And break apart like glass on the highway
I realized my mistake a bit too late
Because I'd never risk picking up the pieces,
Jesus look at them all
I'd never risk picking up all those goddamn pieces
because I lose control at the sight of my own blood
I still read your letter, and all that bullshit makes me sick
But this is regimented pain and it gives me the illusion
that I have lived

I believe in your strength, though I understand you've felt alone
Because when you need a friend there's no one strong
to fall back on and your past will still burden you but I'll
hold you through the pain
In the end it's just you with your memories and your scars
Fall on me if you ever forget how beautiful you are
I believe in your words and your eyes
and when you speak of your dreams
I realize that I will envy whoever you give your heart to
So in the end it s not just you with your memories and your scars
Fall on me if you ever forget how beautiful you are
And I will never let you fade away
And I want you to know that I love you
for all you are and all that you'll be.

Hold me
Save me from myself
I claim to be so righteous but I'm just like everyone else
I was judging you when I realized just how big a lie I lead
Hold me
I truly wish you could follow me in my walk through brilliance
But I've grown so much hollower and the paths have all grown dense
With vines of green, the color of envy
With vines of green, the color of jealousy
And it s funny but I hate it when you steal the spotlight from me
Hold me
I've no patience for hypocrites, I have no patience for fakes
I've no patience for those who make my same mistakes
So hold me

I have to stop feeling so sorry for myself
But I always have to lean on my own shoulder
Because I can't lean on anyone else
And it hurts so much to misunderstand and I'm always
misunderstood
But I'll never forget my memories, even though I should
I have to learn that I can't have all that I once did
Because I kept reaching for security that you couldn't afford to
give
And it hurts so much to misunderstand,
and I'm always misunderstood
But I'll never forget my memories, even though I should

I was holding you so tight and you were holding me
So wrapped up in the moment I was feeling such security
And the first few weeks felt just like heaven,
but I never really seemed to get that high
So now I sit here laughing at the time that past me by.
It s times like these, when I feel I'm on my knees begging
please don't go.
And as you slipped away I couldn't admit that we were through
As you slipped away
I found I lost myself in search of you
I was holding you so tight and you were holding him
But you left the door so wide open that I was sure you'd come back in
And now the only time I can hold you is in my mind
And that doesn't seem to fill me up inside
So yes I felt lonely and yes I felt a need
And you seemed to feel it necessary to make me see
That I was wrong and you were right
And that all my attempts were in vain
But I was pretty sure you'd turn around and want me back again
And as you slipped away I couldn't admit that we were through
As you slipped away I found I lost myself in you
I was holding you so tightly when you needed help
I guess insecurities catch up to you when You're lying to yourself
But I wasn't lying when I told you all that you could be
But it was no use, you never really ever listened to me
I was holding you so tight but now I've let you go.

Don't touch, leave me here
I don't need your sympathy and I don't need your tears
I haven't slept for days now, maybe more
Just leave me here in selfishness, close the door
If you hold me, I might find it safe
If you hold me, I just might cling to you
If you hold me, I'll be no good on my own
My control will be gone
don't look, I don't need your support
You see I've built this wall around myself and it keeps me up
I won't be babied, so please don't baby me
Just leave me in my corner, I created all this misery
If you hold me, I might find it safe
If you hold me, I just might cling to you
If you hold me, I'll be no good on my own
My control will be gone
I'm not faithful, don't fool yourself
I won't change for you know or anybody else
Let me fall
Let me fall, let me realize all the things I'm missing
Let me crawl
Crawl on back to you and the dreams we had together

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I'm so tired but you probably don't even know what I mean
I'm full of contradictions and hypocrisies
I'm so tired I don't even know which side of the fighting I'm on
And if I wanted no part of it, you d say I was doing something
wrong
Today was just like yesterday and the day before
I've been taking myself so goddamn seriously and I can't
recall what for
I can t feel the sunshine anymore
I'm so tired of bitching to myself and wrapping up my
emotions to please everyone else
I'm so tired of bitching at all because life becomes so cynical
when You're waiting to fall
And I'm waiting to fall
Today was just like yesterday and the day before
I've been taking myself so goddamn seriously and I can't
recall what for
I can t feel the sunshine anymore
I'm so inspired but you know short-lived inspiration can be
I'll brag about my self-improvement which just ends up lost
inside of me
I've no faith in justice, corrupted by wealth
And I've no faith in my peers, only a fading faith inside myself

don't worship me, I'm not what you need
My words are my words, nothing more
I love and hate just like you
I'm beautiful and weak just like you
I worship too
But disciples are such useless vessels
Empty and scarred and ready to receive
I'm here on my soapbox, listen to me
No, I'm here on my tip toes&push me
don't try to fuck me or conquer me
Just see me, I'm beautiful and weak just like you.

My idols are cracking and breaking apart piece by piece
I brush their dust off my pedestal and through the cloud I've
kicked up I can just make out your face
In a world of plastic people, I know You're real
I'm just a confused child, a ball of raw emotions shouting my
hollow threats at you
I'll kick and I'll scream and I'll call you names
But when my storm blows over you ll always hold me the
same
In a world full of bullshit emotions, I know you feel
I can fall far away from my judgments
I can fall far away from my ignorance
When you cradle me in your arms
In a world of plastic people, I know You're real
In a world of bullshit emotions, I know you feel
Under blankets, under the shelter of your skin, you warm me
from within
I never want to leave your arms for this long again.