Альбом Converge

Below my solitude I abstain. Above my bitterness I grace the lie. Sinking alone I severed the chord, drifting into the wide. It lies below this tragedy, this suffering. Life's blood flows out of me. The deeper I sink the more life flows out of me. Drifting towards the light I see torn from my home to be. Hook clawing at my flesh guiding me through my journey. Drowning in a see of rusting faith. Killing your dreams with bleeding mistakes. A part of her dies too.

Can you help me? Take a picture before I paint over her. She is beautiful, she was everything. I miss her. Last night I dreamt of her tracing my scars. She said she'd never leave and that I'd always stay. That night you called I stood by that phone for hours, I felt everything thirty miles away. You said you loved me and I told you the same. We kissed there for the first time. I believed in you for the last time. I once was I, once was whole. Peacemaker, tell myself that this is time to say goodbye. Goodbye

I will not be part of your rusting machine, I will not burn as your fuel. You are the one drowning in your conviction. I am not host to them. You call it your right. I call it your weakness. The wound won't clot until the blood stops. it has to stop.

So much for breathing, my cloud nine fell from grace. Loss of everything, where is my identity?. If I could only find what is left me. So much for letting go when you have nothing left to hold. The words that slid off your tongue, my everything. Your nothing, I know that I don't mean much to you but you mean the world to me. Devotion, an undying dead. The harrowing, bleed you out of me, the "he said, she said" falsity. Leave it be, I just want to go home. So much for letting go. I won't be dying with me, no not this time. Becoming by undoing him. Sacrifice, the ultimate devotion. So much for saving yourself. It can never be love. I can never be sold like the blood they call love. I am a stranger. I will not, I have not, I can never be like him.

Idle chatter sounds much better to the absent mind. Govern me, kill thy master. You will not enslave me. The root is bitter but the fruit is sweet but not exempt from criticism. Small pox friendship, you die I take. You are the new slave. Don't call me God because I don't have a disease. What is cold to you is love to me. Savior seething rolling you in. Cherub in red said there's nothing to see here. Hallowed be who art in heaven. I refuse to call that fucker by name.

You never loved me. Now I cannot lie down in that bed, I cannot lie down in all of those old fears. I haven't slept, singe the colors from my glances. If I was bleeding would you tell me? If I was saying would you hear me? You asked for everything but never loved. If I was praying would you kill me? You never loved me. Dead.

You told me nine times before and you said that her touch was not love all these years. You said that she stole and lied and you said to be "brave like me". And I couldn't believe when you said outlive, but I must come out and face the unwilling terms. These eyes they are old and can only focus on the son that I was, the wrong that I was. I tried to gape the teeth just so the water could fill my lungs. And all this time I thought I was drowning and all this time she made me and you caged me and beat me. These shackles reek of your cologne and manipulative phrases. She is dying and I wish Hell upon you one thousand times a day. I have her graft inside of me, she sewed this body and made these eyes. She put them in my head and gave me life. You gave me hate, greed, confusion and a shimmering blurred backhand of your affection. She is dying and I have come to realize this. He is breathing but should have stopped a long time ago. I know his heart quit but I have no reason for him to give anything. And she is dying and I have missed her life. She gave everything to me, I have so much conscience tied to my neck. I want to swim atop of this sea and give her all the love which has so diligently fallen under lock and key. it was so uneven and the anchor that I have woven is weighing and pulling me down to the bottom of this ocean. And I wish I could spread my wings far enough to stop this fall from grace but there is nothing I can do.

A tear to shed my soul. To bleed out my divinity I search for. Holding the spine of God my sour sedation pulled them away. So many things left unsaid my brightside faded away. Less than zero a shade apart from what I feel. Cold. We used to play devotion but I see your face. It's not divinity. Godkiller, Mindcleaner. The shallower I, the more I sink. And I will not rust away this time. So many things left unsaid my brightside faded away. Less than zero a shade apart from what I feel. Cold

In retrospect I reflect but I am to blind to see. I embrace my soul hoping it will show me all. Blind. I've lost it all. I've lost you. I'm so sorry for what I have put you through. I am so sorry for what I did to you. But look at me, look at what I have put me through. Taken for a ride.

The sky is falling around me. You choke in the saturated bliss. A sky so much bluer than mine. Strangulation of your warm soul. Your flesh weakens me. Joyless under the falling sky, your sky seems so much bluer. Buried in displeasure. I sink up through the sky rising into the grave in my mind. Fly your dove, kill your love. Bleed for me. A tear shed without sincerity. Open your heart and bleed for me I will never set your soul free. A fossil of you tempter, only flesh of what was. Ashes of your fallen dreams. I look into your eyes and I can't recognize you but your sky is so much bluer than mine.

I could see the pain in your eyes. I wish I could prove this truth absolute. I want to heal you. It is me. I am sorry. Sister of mercy to free me, trace my past beyond what I see. Your God promised to save me. God forgot. Needle puncturing skin, tell the tales of where I have been. Please love, trace my soul never to let my memory go. Murder in every world, there has got to be someone who understands me. I was looking for myself. Asking everyone except myself the questions which I and only I could answer. Reflections in the skin, release the flowing stream. The agony we call living. The bloodletting I call me. I will never fall down

[originally released on the "boston is burning" compilation ep]

[originally released on the "where have all the flowers gone" demo 1992]

[originally released on the "where have all the flowers gone" demo 1992. also released on the "in our blood" compilation cassette 1992]

[previously unreleased. originally recorded for debut seven inch in 1991]