 This next song takes something that's not that fun, math, and makes it offensive.
It's New Math.
What's a pirate minus the ship?
Just a creative homeless guy.
And an anteater plus a large, hungry mutant ant?
An ironic way to die.
What's domain, domain range? [X,XY]
A kid with too much in his pants.
Two balls minus one?
Seven titles at the Tour de France. [Cancer]
It gets worse.
Yeah, split a decision with long division,
Take the circumference of your circumcision.
Live like your data and when you're all set,
Put it all together and whatever you get
It's New Math.
And what's a bag of chips divided by five?
Well that's a Nike worker's meal.
And Santa Claus multiplied by 'i'?
Well, I guess that makes him real.
And the square root of the NBA?
Is Africa in a box.
How do you trace a scatter plot?
You give the pencil to Michael J. Fox.
(Whatever.)
Take the approximate moral proportion,
Of the probable problem of a pro-life abortion.
Live like your data and when you're all set,
Put it all together and whatever you get
It's New, It's New, It's New, It's New, It's New Math.
And if you took a factor tree,
Of the factors that caused my girl to leave me,
You'd have a tree, full of Asian porn.
C-A-L, C-U lator, mathematical minds cause industrial smog.
And what's the opposite of ln(x), Duraflame the unnatural log.
Support the farmers with a pro-tractor,
Link Kennedy and Lincoln with a common fact-or,
Live like your data and when you're all set,
Put it all together and whatever you get
It's New, It's New, It's New...
Alright word problems, ready?
If there's a fat guy in a pastry shop, with a twenty-dollar bill and he's ready to buy,
In order to predict his volume change, you'll need to know the value of pie. [π 'pi']
And there's a metal train that's a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her,
How long 'til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he is a good conductor? [An electrical and train condutor.]
And if ten percent of men are gay, twenty percent of men are Chinese,
What are the odds of a man chosen at random spends his free-time and meal-time while on his knees?
And if Kim is half as old as Bobby, who is two years older than twelve-year old Tory,
For how many more thirty-day months will their threesomes be considered statutory rape?
'Cause Math can be sexy.
'Cause having sex is like quadratic expansion,
If it can't be split then it's time to stop.
And having sex is like you're doing fractions,
It's improper for the larger one to be on top, yeah.
And having sex is like math homework,
I do it best when I'm alone in my bed.
And squaring numbers are just like women,
If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.
And New Math.
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