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So unaffectionate, so insecure
You claim to know a thing or two about heartache
And what it's like to have your insides torn out
And I believe you
I see it every time your pallbearer's palor is obscured by the darkness
Dancing across your face, and when the blackness veils your eyes in pain
I know what it's like when memories make you wince
And love letters read like obituaries
And photo albums are the books of the dead
I need no reminders, no more reminders
I'll forget the past and lay it to rest
If I had my way
I'd cut the calluses off your breaking heart
If I could get past the sternum
Cauterize those wounds with
Every kiss I could give to you
I'm holding your heart in my hand
The reason it still beats
Am I being too cryptic?
Am I being too obscure?
Love kills, romance is dead
And I don't even trust myself
But I love you
And you can pull my wings apart
And pin me down under glass
Until the end of days if it can help you
Discover that we share the same pain
I just hope you write your thesis
Before your subject is dead
. . .
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Just swallow the pill and think of me no longer
Just let go and take yourself out
Before I kill you too
Aren't you tired of my fucking you over and over?
You were the last person I wanted in my sights
And my heart honestly breaks when I think of you
I understand now what I-love-you means -
It's doing the right thing no matter of the consequence
I'm tying you up, using the nicest lace
Trying to kill you softly, trying to erase your face
All the while I'm doing my best
Not to rub my love against your head
I'd redecorate the walls with your inner thoughts
But I'm afraid it's the wrong shade of red
But I have these sadistic urges
And I don't want to take it out on you
Right now you're the only one who understands my plight
Right now you're the only reason
. . .
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. . .
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These days are closing in
The end has become apparent
We're only here for so long
Will anyone remember my name
When time has washed away the dust of our ashes?
When my head rests in a velvet lined casket?
What's out there?
What is my eternal fate?
It only just recently hit me
That this life is just a state
Mortality fading, like the innocence of line
I'm scared to death of what's to become
Of my immortal soul of this eternal flame
Will you remember?
Will your heart sing with pain?
Who calls out my name?
Who can tell me what happens
When my eyes close for the last time?
Does it all simply end in a blanket of darkness
What of my soul, what of my soul?
All those things you couldn't say
You should've said
All those I-love-you's lost
Weighed more like lead on your chest
What if I could take back all those misspent days?
. . .
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I feel it welling up inside and Robert Smith lied
Boys do cry and with blood tears in my eyes
I'm an Anne Rice novel come to life
I can't hide the monster anymore
One can only feel desolate for so long
Until one starts to change
Into something the mirror doesn't recognize
I metamorphasize
The darkness has been biding its time
To claim its latest victim
Fresh meat for carnal desires
To become what I became
I viewed the sun for the last time
Will you still hold me when you see what I have done?
Will you still kiss me the same when you taste my victim's blood?
So crimson and red, I feel it flowing from your lips
My heart is dead and so are you
And it pulses through, the desire to change
The desire to deconstruct all of my past failings
But where to begin because when you live in sin
It's hard to look at saints without them
Reflecting their jet black auras back on you
And all I have is hope, my inner burn's not fading
I'll wipe the blood from my cheek and get on with my day
And all I have is hope, and all I need is time
To bury in pine under six feet of time
The lies I told me about myself
Claw my way out, pick the splinters from under my fingernails
I won't lose hope, I won't give in
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I began my ascent at minus zero
You made so sure of that
You tried to keep me down here
Your complacency has been your downfall
Nobody made you king of the world
And I'm here to dethrone you
So kiss the ring motherfucker
It's my time, my time to shine
Grasping for the straws as they fall
Maybe you can make a splint for your broken ego
For your broken ego
So I say thank you for the scars
And the guilt and the pain
Every tear I've never cried
Has sealed your fucking fate
What did you take me for, a fool?
Or were you just too blind to see
That every effort made has failed
And there is no destroying me?
Hate can be a positive emotion
When it forces you to better yourself
You built me, constructed my desire
Perfected my hatred
Now I'm driven to be ten times better than you think you are
Ten times better than you think you are
Piece by piece I've built my walls
And burned the bridges down
That lead back to people like you
So full of malice, so full of scorn
You tried your best to crush my spirit
You tried to steal my soul
You pushed my back against the wall
And I broke it down
I will not be broken
Though I am the one who bleeds
I will not be broken
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I feel eyelashes on my cheek
And they lacerate my flesh
A pain so good
Put your hand in mine
Never let go
Never wake up 'cause I'm done with promises
I'm taking blood oaths
Feels likes you could kiss my imperfections
My imperfections away
And I would stand
Stand by your side until the sun turns the sky
All the colors I see in your eyes
I'll never need to see the sun again
There's enough light in your eyes to light up our little world
So take me, take my away
Kill me slowly, I'll never be the same
I swear to you, on everything I am
And I dedicare to you all that I have
And I promise you that I will stand right by your side
Forever and always until the day I die
The bite marks on my neck never felt so good
I'm losing control and it's all that I can do
Not to blackout and fall into lust with you
Your kisses infect me
The dark gift is loving you
And I feel immortal and I want to make you feel the same
So stand by me as we immulate
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And I can see her now
Dancing around, her drink in hand
All her baggage in tow
I just want to forget and let go
Of all the joy, all of the pain
I took your guilt and placed it into me
And now I kiss it goodbye
Our last chance ended fatally
Who's sleeping on my side of the bed tonight?
Have you ever cried so hard?
Baby you just died
And there she goes again
Another masquerade in false circumstance
She'll fuck you just for the taste
I just wish I could replace all the memories
Of what makes my blood run cold
And as your blood flows through me
I say goodbye to what we had
She came and went
I gnawed through my lip
Makeup smeared in her eyes
Each sob's a reason to say goodbye.
Sometimes when you're holding on
You'll never see the light
With flowers in her hair
Gazed upon with dead lovers eyes
She never looked so good
And I never felt so right
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A wraith with an angel's body
A demon with a smile of gold
You soulsucker
I won't become like you
I kill with the perfect weapons, crystal eyes, and a heart of coal
You soulsucker
I won't lose myself in you
Look how pretty she is when she falls down
Now there is no beauty in bleeding mascara
Lip are quivering like a withering rose
She's back again
What the fuck do you think love means?
It's much more than words and feelings sucking me dry
Is my marrow that sweet?
Your dead lovers have left a trail of broken hearts and misspent hopes
Sucking them dry
Does their marrow taste of sweetness, sweetness?
. . .
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. . .
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Paranoia is the insect working its way
Through my subconscious thoughts
It's the larve of self doubt
Gestating in my heart as I spiral down
And everything I touch is breaking
And it falls to earth in splinters
And I shiver as every splinter
Finds its way underneath my skin
And after 22 years I can still make my skin crawl
Every shortcoming, a pitfall
On my way to making amends
Within myself to be what I became
Sometimes it feels like the whole wide world
Has made itself my enemy
But I will stand upon my own two feet
And raise my head up
I lick my wounds
Trying to cleanse the infection
Rabid and diseased reality fades away
When I pushed myself too far
A dream of emotional perfection
Has left a wounded heart
Trying to perceive the gifts inherent inside me
It's like squeezing the trigger
It's like opening first
On everyone who's let me down
On every beautiful lie that is only fiction
For the first time
I'm losing control and I like it
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In this perfection I lament her beauty
Her voice a sout note in this bitter serenade
And all those things I could have would have should have said
Ring out like gunshots across long lose days
If that wasn't love then what the fuck was I thinking?
I would bear my soul just to bask in your grace
And your beauty, your strength inspires all of my days
I would carry any load just to bear your cross for a day
Your love fills me up when the blood in my body's drained
And your strength is my backbone when I feel every bone break
It takes my breath away how you took my breath away
How could I know that you would take my breath away?
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After all this time of asking questions
Of trying to find something to quiet this soul
I'm left alone within my mind into this self-made hell I delve
It's not as hot as you think
More so dark and cold with no room to breathe
I'm sorry, I don't think it's going to be okay this time
My heart has skipped its final beat
It's beating me down onto the floor
That must mean that the pills are working
The glass isn't half empty this time
I smashed it to the ground a long long time ago
It shattered when it fell and I broke to pieces
Each shard's another reason, another way to give up
This skin is so tight that the air can't reach my brain
There is nothing telling my heart to beat any faster
To let me scream for help, I will never give up
I will never take the easy way out
This is life
This is struggle
This is love
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[BON JOVI cover]
[limited edition bonus track]
Shot through the heart and you're to blame
Darlin' you give love, a bad name
Fuck you
An angel's smile is what you sell
you promise me heaven, then put me through hell
Chains of love, got a hold on me
when passion's a prison, you can't break free
Whoa!
You're a loaded gun
yeah, whoa...
There's nowhere to run
No one can save me
The damage is done
Shot through the heart
and you're to blame
You give love a bad name
I play my part and you play your game
You give love a bad name
You give love a bad name
You paint that smile on your lips
blood red nails on your fingertips
A school boy's dream, you act so shy
Your very first kiss was your first kiss goodbye
Whoa!
You're a loaded gun
whoa...
There's nowhere to run
No one can save me
The damage is done
Shot through the heart
and you're to blame
You give love a bad name
I play my part and you play your game
You give love a bad name
You give love...
Shot through the heart
and you're to blame
You give love a bad name
I play my part and you play your game
You give love a bad name
Shot through the heart
and you're to blame
You give love a bad name
I play my part and you play your game
You give love a bad name
. . .
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