Weird Al Yankovic
"Amish Paradise"

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me
You know I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the mornin' I'm milkin' cows
Jebadiah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows, fool
And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long
That even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores, and you finish thine
Then tonight were gonna party like it's 1699

We been spendin' most our lives
Livin' in an Amish paradise
I churned butter once or twice
Livin' in an Amish paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice
Livin' in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price
Living' in an Amish paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well
Cause I'll be laughin' my head off when he's burnin' in Hell
But I never punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An Amish with a tool? You know thats unheard of
I never wear buttons, but I got a cool hat
And my homies agree I really look good in black, fool
If you come to visit you'll be bored to tears
We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain't really quaint so please don't point and stare
We're just technologically impaired

Theres no phones, no lights, no motor cars
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Coruso, it's as primitive as can be

We been spendin' most our lives
Livin' in an Amish paradise
Were just plain and simple guys
Livin' in an Amish paradise
There's no time for sin and vice
Livin' in an Amish paradise
We don't fight we all play nice
Livin' in an Amish paradise

Hichin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter
Raise a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise an udder
Think your really righteous, think your pure at heart?
Well I know, I'm a million times as humble as thou art
I'm the pious guy, the little omlettes wanna be like
On my knees day and night, scorin' points for the after life
So don't be vain, and don't be whiney
Or else my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie

We been spendin' most our lives
Livin' in an Amish paradise
We're all crazy Menonites
Livin' in an Amish paradise
There's no cops or traffic lights
Livin' in an Amish paradise
But you'd probably think it bites
Livin' in an Amish paradise