Jeffrey Lewis
"The Chelsea Hotel Oral Sex Song"

walkin' up 23rd street
i was tired and alone
it was late my housemate
would be asleep when i got home
the sign ahead glowin' red
said the chelsea hotel
where nancy and syd vicious
and my friend dave once dwelled

the street was black under my feet
wich continued their walkin'
though i was vaguely interested
in the folks behind me talkin'
two guys maybe gay
wearin' Reber type suits
and a girl wearin' glasses
who looked kinda cute
her hair was short and curly
she had a tattoo on her back
wich i could see cos her red shirt
was sleeveless with straps
but i only saw this later
not in my first glance
but i could hear her talkin behind me
and as if by chance
she was tryin' to describe
a song i knew well
the leonard cohen song
about the chelsea hotel

and i smiled a smile to myself
when she said
that was the song where he talked about
someone giving him head
on the bed was unmade
and how the song was outrageous
and that's when i got
uncharacteristically courageous
i could left the three of them laughin'
and just gone on home
but i turned and i faced her
and i said leonard cohen?
.....just like that....


she was shocked and surprised
but she looked very happy
that she now had a witness
to back up her story
she looked at me
with her spectacled eyes
and said "see i told u"
to the two others guys

my tale might have ending right there and then
but we started talkin' about leornard cohen
how his lyrics were cool
and how he sang so sincere
it must have been true
and it happened right here
usually women right of the bat
don't find me that great
but there we were laughin', scrollin'
like we could really releate
although we didn't mention the head line
it was alluded
and her conversation was better
cos her friends were not included
the guys were more into each other
at least that's how it seemed to me
i heard the faint knocking of opportunity
although it's easy for me now
upon my looking back
to think of all the things
i could have said
to make me the mac
just keep the sad truth in mind
as i tell this to you
that we really only talked
for a minute or two
and i never got her name
and she never got mine
but in this couple short minutes
we had a pretty good time


and on top of that
tho u may not believe it
you know what she says to me next
as i repeat it
that line about gettin a blow job
that leonard sings
she said it made her
want to do naughty things
right about then
i should have asked
if she knew
what the chelsea charged
if we got a room for two
but i didn't and i know
i'm a schmuck, don't you doubt it
the only thing i did
was write this stupid song about it

if i was leonard cohen
or some others song writing master
i 'd know to first get the oral sex
and then write the song after
you can practise writing songs
about romance every day
but if you haven't loved
then you'll have nothing to say
we could have given each other head
on leonard same unmade bed
but i was too shy to suggest it
and so instead
when the three of them stopped
to look through a pub window
i said good night
tho i had not quite meant to
and waved as we walked tho
i would not forget her
especially when she mysteriously said
see you later

now every time i'm walking
i hope that we'd meet
and on purpose
i always go up 23rd street
where the sign glowin' red
says the chelsea hotel
where nancy and syd vicious
and my friend dave's once dwelled
life doesn't work out
the way it does in old songs
that's why we sing new ones
to say what really goes on
so if i ever see her again
and we pick up
right we were ended
maybe i'll play her this song
maybe she won't get too offended
and listen i tell u why
there's more to this situation
than meets the eye
you may think it's sad
you may think it's pathetic
but i sing this song
and that she will never know it
but think a minute 'bout what that means
and you'll realise it's actually a wonderful thing
that all around the world
there maybe folks singin' tunes
for the love of others folks
they barely knew
and it puts a smile on my face
yes, it do
and let me tell you
you ought to be smillin too
cos the next time you feelin'
kinda lonesome and blue
just think that someone somewhere
might be singin about you
who knows if i'll ever see her again
maybe we'll see this whole time
she could have been singing about me
probably not
but it could be