Frank Zappa
"Joe's Garage"

Central Scrutinizer:
We take you now to a garage in Canoga Park

Larry:
(It makes its own sauce . . . if you add water)

Joe:
It wasn't very large
There was just enough room to cram the drums
In the corner over by the Dodge
It was a fifty-four
With a mashed up door
And a cheesy little amp
With a sign on the front said
"Fender Champ"
And a second-hand guitar
It was a Stratocaster with a whammy bar

Larry:
We could jam in Joe's Garage
His mama was screamin'
His dad was mad
We was playin' the same old song
In the afternoon 'n sometimes we would
Play it all night long
It was all we knew, 'n easy too
So we wouldn't get it wrong
All we did was bend the string like . . .

Hey!
Down in Joe's Garage
We didn't have no dope or LSD
But a coupla quartsa beer
Would fix it so the intonation
Would not offend yer ear
And the same old chords goin' over 'n over
Became a symphony
We could play it again 'n again 'n again
Cause it sounded good to me
ONE MORE TIME!

We could jam in Joe's Garage
His mama was screamin',
"TURN IT DOWN!"
We was playin' the same old song
In the afternoon 'n sometimes we would
Play it all night long
It was all we knew, 'n easy too
So we wouldn't get it wrong
Even if you played it on a saxophone

We thought we was pretty good
We talked about keepin' the band together
'N we figured that we should
'Cause about this time we was gettin' the eye
From the girls in the neighborhood
They'd all come over 'n dance around like . . .

So we picked out a stupid name
Had some cards printed up for a coupla bucks
'N we was on our way to fame
Got matching suits
'N Beatle Boots
'N a sign on the back of the car
'N we was ready to work in a GO-GO Bar
ONE TWO THREE FOUR
LET'S SEE IF YOU'VE GOT SOME MORE!

People seemed to like our song
They got up 'n danced 'n made a lotta noise
An' it wasn't 'fore very long
A guy from a company we can't name
Said we oughta take his pen
'N sign on the line for a real good time
But he didn't tell us when
These "good times" would be somethin'
That was really happenin'
So the band broke up
An' it looks like
We will never play again . . .

Joe:
Guess you only get one chance in life
To play a song that goes like . . .

Mrs. Borg:
Turn it down!
Turn it DOWN!
I have children sleeping here . . .
Don't you boys know any nice songs?

Joe:
Well the years was rollin' by
Heavy Metal 'n Glitter Rock
Had caught the public eye
Snotty boys with lipstick on
Was really flyin' high
'N then they got that Disco thing
'N New Wave came along
'N all of a sudden I thought the time
Had come for that old song
We used to play in "Joe's Garage"
And if I am not wrong
You will soon be dancin' to the . . .

Central Scrutinizer:
The WHITE ZONE is for loading and unloading only. If you gotta load or unload, go to the WHITE ZONE . . .

Joe:
I said the years was rollin' by, yeah
The years was rollin' by . . .

Mrs. Borg:
I'm calling THE POLICE! I did it! They'll be here . . . shortly!

Officer Butzis:
This is the Police . . .

Ms. Borg:
I'm not joking around anymore!

Officer Butzis:
Come out! We have the garage surrounded. Give yourself up. We will not harm you, or hurt you, neither.

Ms. Borg:
You'll see now! There they are, they're coming!

Officer Butzis:
This is the Police. Give yourself up, we will not harm you.

Ms. Borg:
Listen to that mess, would you!

Officer Butzis:
This is the Police. Give yourself up. We have the garage surrounded.

Ms. Borg:
Every day this goes on around here!

Officer Butzis:
We will not harm you. Or maim you.
(SWAT Team 4, move in!)

Mrs. Borg:
He used to cut my grass . . .
He was a very nice boy . . .

Officer Butzis:
This is the Police. Come out with your hands up.

Central Scrutinizer:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER . . .
That was Joe's first confrontation with The Law. Naturally, we were easy on him. One of our friendly counselors gave him a do-nut . . . and told him to stick closer to church-oriented social activities.