Dane Cook
"Just Wanna Dance"

My friends took me out the other night.
They were like "Dude we gotta go out man. Let's go."
I was like, "I dont wanna go out."
"Come on dude. Let's go get some chicks!"
Yea? Just like that?
What about that whole middle ground where you're an IDIOT!"
"No dude... Let's go get some chicks!"
So they wanna go out dancing, right.
Which we go, guys, we go to the clubs cuz that's where you go.
The girls go. Girls go to DANCE. You get ready with your friends,
"Let's go dance tonight! Let's just- fuck guys tonight.
Let's just stand in a circle around our shoes and our pocketbooks
and lets just dance. And if guys come near us we'll tazer them. No guys."
You never hear a guy say to one of his buddies,
"Hey. Listen. Mike. Michael. Tonight, dude, I gotta dance. What? Chicks?
No, no, fuck chicks dude. I wanna dance! I just wanna express
myself throught the art of dance, Mike. I don't wanna see a chick."
Then we just go to the club and we stand over in the
corner and stare at you while you're out there.
"MINE! SHES MINE!"

It's not like in the old days where you come up and are like
"May I have this dance please?"
Yanno? We just fucking out of nowhere POWPOW etc...
What's up? POWPOWPOW You mind if I knock against you with my cock?
POWPOW Just for about an hour? POW My denim cock?
And the lights are blinking so you're like, "Is he good looking?
Is he fucking ugly? What is this? If he's good looking, that's fine.
But if he's ugly..."
Right, if he's ugly you turn back to your friends you're like,
"Help me!"
"OOH right thank you so much!"

You go dancing, right. Here's the thing it's like yanno.
I'm a young guy but I don't care man.
The fucking music at the clubs is usually way too loud.
That one beat all night
*makes beat*
Right? Then you're dancing but in the back of your head you're like,
"This is kinda fucking loud! I would enjoy this if it was a little tiny bit lower.
Just a little tiny bit!" But then you realize it's so loud because
you're dancing in front of the fucking speakers. Yanno. You didn't know.
You're like, " Oh shit we're in front of the goddamn speakers!"
The whole place is fucking speakers.
You think you're going into the bathroom. You're like,
"I'm in the fucking woofer! How did I get in here?"
"Oh my god! Don't go in that door. It's not the bathroom guys.
That's the woofer! They should put a sign that says the woofer cuz
this is the bathroom." And they just play that one beat all night
*makes beat*
Somebody scream! Alright? And all night everyone-oh scream!
The at the end of the night, 3 hours later. They turn on the lights.
Music goes off and all you can hear for 3 days is
*buzzing sound*
You leave the club. Your friends are trying to talk to you they're like
*muffled voice saying hells knows what*

If I ever get really rich I'm just gonna open a bar.
It's gonna be called Head. And if you come there.
You know what the fuck's up! It would be like 150 guys,
"Where are the fuckin chicks dude? Why aren't they coming out to Head?"
"Because they're down the street at TGI Lick my Pussies. That's why.
We gotta come up with some better apps.
Cus they're down at TGI Lick my pussies."